Day 1 - My Life Changes Today

2 years ago, I was single (and had been for a while), I'd just finished my RCA program and was working in health care, essentially making minimum wage. I didn't have my license, didn't have a car and by all standards, I should have been an angst riddled 19 year old girl.

On the contrary, I was the happiest I've ever been. I didn't need a man to validate my purpose in life, I didn't need a lot of money and anywhere that I needed to go was within walking distance or I had friends and family willing to chauffeur me around haha. My first long-term relationship had ended almost 2 years earlier and I'd taken that 2 years to get to know myself, figure out what I wanted and who I wanted to be. I was constantly in amazing spirits, and didn't fathom how people could look at a glass as half empty rather than half full.

Then just over a year ago, at the peak of my happiness, at the point where I'd told myself "I love my life," I met someone who seemingly swept me off my feet. I let myself fall hard, and fall fast. In the process, I'd lost touch with who I was. I didn't feel connected with myself anymore and was disappointed that I'd let myself forget all the progress I had made within me. I brushed those thoughts off in hopes that I'd found my prince. Good luck, right, Melissa? Exactly. Like all rushed relationships, it crashed, burned and faded away into a grudge holding needle in my side for a while. Live and learn.

Fast forward to today. I am a 21 year old woman, yes, still single, but with a well paying job, my license, a great car and amazing people to surround myself with. I should be happy, right? Well, in comparison to my life 2 years ago, I'm not. Don't get me wrong, though...I have people in my life who make me happy every day and I have people who I'd like to build meaningful relationships with, but the honest truth is that it may not happen. Usually, I'd be really bummed at the thought of this, but I just can't be. In the big picture, if things don't work out how I'd like, I need to embrace the experience and move on as a stronger woman.

1 week ago, a movie titled "Eat Pray Love" came to theatres, and yesterday, I took myself to go see it. Sitting on my own, in an auditorium full of middle-aged women in groups gossiping about their latest arguments with their husbands or boyfriends, I told myself that I would sit and soak up every possible bit of enlightenment that I could find within this movie.

I was in awe by the time the credits were rolling up the screen. I got in my car, turned my stereo off and drove home in silence, thinking about the amazing film I'd just watched. During that drive, I made the decision to change every aspect of my life. My family dynamic, my relationships, my job and my health. I made the decision to change my outlook on life, love and my pursuit of happiness. I will learn to treat every experience, every lost hope and every disappointment as a lesson; every person I meet, every man I care about as a stepping stone to something greater. I will learn to embrace pain and welcome my fear of uncertainty with open arms. I will also learn to control my life and my thoughts.

My short term goal in all of this is to get myself back to the place I was at 2 years ago. My long term goal is to marvel at my life. I want that zest and appetite for life that Liz talked about in the movie. I want to be balanced and in a permanent state of contentment.

I went to Chapters today and bought myself four books.
"The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne
"The Power" by Rhonda Byrne
"The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle
and of course, "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert

I hope these books will begin to guide me into the life that I desire for myself. You lucky people (whoever you may be) get the privilege of reading my rambles and living vicariously through my pain, my happiness and the challenges that I will face in making my life my sanctuary. 

I am the Master of my fate. I am the Captain of my soul.