The last few days haven't been particularly insightful. I've been more so getting my thoughts put together and sorting out the things that need to be sorted out before I consume myself in this new life I'll be building for myself.
Tonight, though, I realized something that I will cherish from this day forward.
I've been so preoccupied with finding someone to love, that I haven't really acknowledged those who love ME. I have such great friends who care about me and want me to be happy, I have family that would take a bullet for me and yes, I have pets who greet me at the door with tail wags and excited barks.
As I'm sure a lot of you know, I have a sister who I love to bits. She's 4 yrs old and she's my world. I can't tell you how much that girl improves my life in so many ways. She can make me laugh when I'm upset and she can make me smile when all I can think of doing is frown.
I have been busy lately and haven't been up to see her in almost 2 weeks. I've seriously missed her, so earlier tonight, I got in my car, drove to my moms and spent some quality time with her and my brother. After a few hours, I reluctantly told her that I had to go. Of course, she asks if she can come spend the night with me at my house. I'd originally said no because my mom had told me that her and my stepdad are taking them to the PNE early in the morning.
She did something after I said no, though, that made me feel truly loved. She hugged me and said "but I want to stay with you." I of course "awwww'd" at this, but was shocked when I went to give her a kiss goodbye and she turned her head away. I looked into her face and she had been quietly crying, tears were rolling down her cheeks and she didn't want me to see. Right then and there, I told her to get her shoes and packed her into the car.
Right now, she's laying in bed beside me, snuggled into my side sleeping peacefully (after quite a while of "Meesa, I'm thirsty'...."Meesa, it's so hot in here!" haha). Right now, I have a 4 year old sister, who loves me unconditionally, who literally cries at the thought of not being with me. Why do I feel like I need some sort of validation and love from a man? I won't lie, having someone to hold me, kiss me and tickle my back to sleep would be great. I enjoy being someone's partner and making their lives better, but do I need that? Of course not. Do I need my family's love? Absolutely.
If I never hear another "I Love You" from a man, I think I'll be okay. After-all, I have the most amazing little sister who reminds me that she loves me all the time :)
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